For so many years I have dreaded the idea of 2012 coming around. Here I am now staring it straight in the face... See 2012 means turning 30....30 has always scared me for some reason. 20's your young, 40's your mature, 30's your what? Stuck inbetween young and mature?? Sometimes i think being able to say I'm thirty will gain me a little respect, but then i think, i don't want respect because of a number, i want respect because of character.
Character...now there's a whole other topic....Has Christ built up His character in me, or have I hindered that from happening? Have i caused myself to shine through or have i stepped out of the light enough so the true author of the story has a chance to shine! God KNOWS i desire nothing more then for Him to be my everything. I want him to be the reason i function....But i have seen my character flaws a lot lately. I pray He takes His giant sewing needle and sews the flaws together so that His grace and mercy shine through, not my pride and arrogance!
My Birthday isn't until November....Seems so far away as i sit here on Jan 3rd typing, but it's not. 10 VERY short months, that will fly by and i will be 30. I'm not as scared anymore. After watching Home Alone like 50 times this season, i feel like Kevin screaming at the top of his lungs, "I'm not afraid anymore, you hear me I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!!!" Bring on 30! I still have time to reach some of those goals i was determined to reach before i turn 30!
For example, I have the family i always thought i would. I don't have a Masters, or even a Bachelor's but i'm well on my way of getting them! I may no longer look like i did while in High School, but i have set goals to change my life style and become healthy again! I have recently discovered that i am allergic to wheat, corn, soy, and peanuts....well i have known since i was 8 that i was allergic to peanuts. my allergist told me to eat what i was allergic to while on the shots and it would build my immune system...apparently it didn't work. I have stopped eating wheat and peanuts which has been an adventure. And sadly i must admit that i haven't really STOPPED altogether. i have tried but it's almost impossible when you're on vacation to make sure everythign doesn't have wheat. But i have learned it does make me sick to eat it! All this rambling to say that i'm doing whatever i can to become healthy. I lost 12 pounds in just 2 weeks after deleting wheat from my diet. and that's without doing anything else!!
So all that to say, i have started this blog for myself...to walk myself through the next 10 months of trial and error! I am setting new goals. I am finally facing the dreams i have always wanted to. I'm not chasing them because that idicates that they are moving and i have to run to keep up...nope my dreams have been there always, within arms reach just waiting to be tackled. all i am required to do is quit running from my fears in circles around my dreams. I have to stop, ignore my fears, and face my dreams, then i can achieve them. I will achieve them! I am MORE then capable w/ Christ as my strength, I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE! Watch out Jen, the REAL you is about to come forth!
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